We were all seated in comfortable single-size foam pads with lots of cushions. It's been a day since I've been at this retreat, and finally we were to take the medicine tonight.
First, the shamans went around blowing tobacco on everyone, first on the top of our heads, then into our hands. Tobacco is thought to be the Father Medicine, which works hand in hand with Ayahuasca as a protective shield when the Mother Medicine's effects are too strong.
Then, one by one, we each went up to get our dose of Ayahuasca. It tasted awful. Almost instantly I felt nauseous, and worried that I'll start throwing up before it even had time to settle into my system.
But I endured, and the nausea lessened over time. The shamans started to sing their ikroos, which filled the temple. It also helped mask some of the retching noises coming from all corners of the place.
No one told me what an aurally awful experience this would be.
I didn't feel much except for the nausea, so when the facilitators asked if anyone would like another dose, I went up.
After the second dose, I felt my body weaken. I made a trip to the bathroom, and I think movement made my condition worse- by the time I got back to my spot, I felt extra nauseous, and was close to vomiting into my bucket. But somehow, I held on.
I felt my entire body relax, and felt my mind separate from the body. It was not terrifying at all, only peaceful- this helped me forget about the nausea in my bodily form. When I tried to reconnect with the body by moving my muscles or laughing, it actually pulled my state into a more difficult place. So I let the medicine take over, and with the music by the facilitators, was put into a sort of blissful state, where I forgot about where I was or what I was doing here, and instead saw faint visions move with music.
I must've fallen asleep like that, because when I came to, I felt clear in my head and no effects of the medicine in my body anymore.
Of course, that wasn't the end of it (the medicine's effect on me). After individual ikroos by the shamans, we were provided with fruit and tea, and opportunity to leave.
I left with a tangerine in my pocket, thinking that citrus sounded great.
Well, as I came up the stairs, I felt more nausea creeping back with force, and by the time I reached my room I practically had to run to the bathroom to vomit. I threw up, then also pooped - diarrhea, as the facilitators warned. Perhaps I was waiting for the comfort and privacy of my room to do all this? Or maybe walking up the stairs (more movement) really got my stomach to turn?
Anyway. So now I'm laying in bed with nausea completely gone, but still a bit queasy in the tummy, and wondering about my first experience. No profound realizations yet, but I hope future sessions will be more revealing.
Conclusion: I'm still alive!